The Silent Cries
by Niezapomniana
Summary: Tai loves Matt. But after the rejection and being hated by his friends and family he finds his new 'love'. Will someone be able to help him before it's too late? [AU,Drugs, YAOI!]
1. Rozdział pierwszy

**(A/N) This is my first story so bear with me. This story is _AU_ so if someone doesn't like that kind of stories please don't read it. And I know that some ages are wrong but I want it to be like that. So bear with me please.**

**Age: **

**Taichi - 16**

**Yamato – 16 **

**Sora - 16**

**Joe - 17**

**Mimi - 15**

**Kari - 14**

**TK - 14**

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I couldn't stand it, it was too hard for me. Why everything had to be like that? Now they hated me. And it was all my fault, I shouldn't tell him this. If I could take back time...

_FLASHBACK_

''Matt can we talk?'' I asked him when we entered the lunchroom. He nodded and went after me.

When we were outside I started to say '' Matt I...I...think I like you...more than just a friend...'' I didn't know how I made it, how I told him this but the truth was that I loved him. Loved him with all my heart. I kept in inside of me for a long time and I felt like I couldn't anymore. It was too hard to kept it as a secret. I knew how people looked at those who were 'gay' so that scared me a little. I didn't tell it to anyone but my worst fear always was and always will be: the rejection.

So I tried to pretend that I was normal. That I liked girls. I was scared how others will react. But now I found the courage and I was standing in front of my love waiting for his move.

I hoped that he would understand me. He always stood by my side no matter what, so I thought that today he'll comfort me and maybe fell the same way? I patiently waited for him to reply. He was shocked I could tell. His beautiful blue eyes were now wide open. When I wanted to break the silence I heard someone. A girl.

''Ewwwwwww! That's disgusting! How can you be a fag?! '' It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't scream it so loud. People could hear it. And of course they did. I could fell their gaze at me.

I didn't know that she would hear me, I guessed she went after us silently and heard our conversation, or rather mine words. And it wouldn't hurt so much if that girl wasn't Sora, my friend.

I looked at Matt to see what he would do, but he still was silent.

''And what you have to say?'' I asked him

'' I just found out that my best friend is a fucking fag and you...'' but he didn't finish this sentence. He put his hand on his mouth like he told something really bad. But I was glad he did, now I knew what he thought of me. The prof was enough to me to know he hated me

I couldn't bear with it, it was too much for me. I ran away. But the worse was that he never went after me...

I knew I was stupid, but somewhere I prayed that maybe if he came after me...

_END OF FLASHBACK_

Now I was standing here in the middle of nowhere, crying. I liked the rain. The drops mixed with my tears. I didn't know how long I was standing there but when I returned home it was late. Dad wasn't home like always...

When my mom died in a car accident two years ago , he changed. But still he tried to do the best. I went straight to my room ,to my bed. But I couldn't sleep. I had too much in my head. I didn't know when I fell asleep , I remember only opening my eyes seeing a shiny light. I looked at the clock and...shit!

I would be late if I didn't hurry up! Quickly I gathered some books and changed in clean uniform. When I was done I ran to the school.

I entered my classroom as the bell rang. Ha! I wasn't late, but when I heard the word 'queer' I looked at the other students. They were looking at me with disgust.

I bowed my head and went to find a seat. I usually was sitting with Matt, but I didn't think it would be ok with him if I just sat next to him like nothing ever happened. I sat next to the window in the last seat. My new desk was as far as it was possible from the others.

Finally the bell rang. And the hell was over. It was the worst lesson ever. Everybody was sending me glares and whispering about me. They could talk out loud because I heard every word. But I kept being quiet,

I didn't want to give them another reason to hate me.

When I was walking to my other lesson some boys from other grade came and started to calling me names. I pretend it didn't matter what someone was thinking about me, but it really hurt.

I didn't know how but somehow I made it to the lunch. All classes were awful. People were cruel, now I knew that.

I went to the lunchroom in order to find my friends. Izzy, Joe, TK and Kari my little sister. I knew I could always count on her, she would never leave me. When I went to sit next to them, they stood up and went away ,not bothering to say a word to me, like I wasn't wort it. I guess I am not. But then Kari looked at me and said

''I don't have a brother anymore ''

I didn't reply, I couldn't. Then TK looked like he wanted to say something but he was met with Matt's gaze which looked like -speak-with-him-and-you-will-pay- look. I understood his situation. Matt was his brother and he couldn't put me above him. So I wasn't mad at him, not at all. But besides he was the only one who didn't look discussed with me.

So that was it, I was alone now with whole school hating me. Yay for me.

At the end I had soccer practice. I didn't know what to do. Go there or forget about it? I loved soccer, it was the only one reason why I didn't run from school today. I guessed it will help and change my mood.

But I was wrong.

No one from my team spoke with me. When we played they 'accidentally' kicked me or I always tripped by their legs. At the end coach yelled at me because I didn't focus on the training so I had to stay and do extra laps.

I could finally go home and relax in my room, in my comfy bed...but I was only met with angry face of my father. He was so pissed, I could tell...

He started to yell at me, telling me how pathetic I was, how worthless, how shameful...

Then he told me to go out and never come back because he wouldn't live with a ' fucking fag' in one house. So I did. I ran away seeing shocked Kari in the doorway. I really wanted to know why she was shocked. She was the one who told this our father, probably she wanted dad to punish me or something, but she didn't suppose it will cost me this. I knew my sister for whole her life and one look was enough to knew she was felling guilty. But did I care? I only wanted to disappear.

I told you that I liked the rain, right? Now I loved it. Again I could fell it on my wet cheeks.

I went to the park. I liked spending time in there and think. I didn't have anywhere else to go anyway.

I sat on the wet grass and looked at the sky. The cold drops were making me cold, but I didn't care about that. I didn't remember much later. Only rain which was falling harder and harder...then everything went black.

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I woke up from my sleep in a comfortable bed. I looked around the room and then I closed my eyes again falling back to sleep, but when I was going to drift to my dreams ,my eyes widened. I looked around one more time again. Then I looked at myself. Oh my God. I wasn't in my house, I wasn't in my room, I wasn't in my bed and definitely I wasn't wearing my clothes! Where was I? The room was small and clean...yes it couldn't be my room.

But when I was going to get up the doors opened.

''Hey! You are finally awake!'' some boy cheered. He was so...strange? Too happy? I dunno something between it.

He wasn't much taller than me, maybe two inches. He got short dirty blond hair and green eyes. He was wearing dark jeans and black T-shirt with the red word ''slut'' on it. He got one earing in his left ear and in his right brow.

''You are in our place since yesterday night when we found you on the street'' his voice reached my ears when I was wondering where the fuck I was.

I wanted to ask him something but he was faster because he grabbed my hand and started shaking it

'' I'm Maximilian, but please call me Max. I hate that name! My mom give it to me when I was born...wait she did? No maybe that was my father? Or maybe just a nurse in the hospital? But I won't know now will I?''

I looked at him like he was insane, but still he went on

''I never met my parents so I lived with my foster family since I was two. They were pretty cool, but when I was fifteen they kicked me out...''

'' Stop with your babling'' It was another male. He had got messy black hair and onyx eyes. He was taller then the blond one. And he got earrings in his ears, and one in his brow and in his tongue

''Hey! I only...'' Max started to say, but was cut off by a hand put on his mouth.

'' I'm Ryan and that blond guy is Max, but I think you knew that already. Sorry for him, his mouth never shuts up'' the dark haired man stated. He wore a black leather pants and red T-shirt with strange symbol on it.

Then someone else come into the room. Another male. He was in Ryan's height. He got light blue hairs which were hanging to his shoulders and his eyes were just like his hairs. He was wearing a black jacket and black trousers.

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And that's how I met my new family. Yes, they were like family to me. After I told them I didn't have any place to go they offered me this room. I gladly took their offer, because seriously where I would go?

And the more important was that they accepted me. And they like me were gay. So I was living with them in their apartment,

They took me to shops and bought new clothes, because like they said I looked sexier in leather. Still in my opinion they shouldn't have done that because I won't pay them back, but they told me it was a present. After that Max gave me some of his old clothes as well, he was only eighteen. Only two years difference. Ryan and Kyle were twenty one years old. They were like brothers because they lived in one orphanage. After they were eighteen they could go and do whatever they wanted, so they did.

The last thing that I excepted from them was taking me somewhere where I would get a 'nice surprise' like they put it. And how I ended? I pierced my ears, right brow and lip...

But I didn't know one thing, From where they got all that money? From what I knew they didn't ended school , so they couldn't have a good job. Maybe I will ask them?

''Ryan, can I ask you something?''

''Yeah sure'' came the reply. Whenever I got some problem I always asked him. I didn't know why but with Ryan I felt...safe?

'' What are you all doing for life?''

'' Selling''

Selling?! What kind of answer was that?! How can you be selling...I didn't know what he was talking about, so I decided to ask again.

'' Selling what?''

I waited for his answer but it never came instead I saw him move towards me. He put his hand on my shoulder and whispered to my ear making me shiver.

''You're so innocent, I bet you didn't do it ''

He sat next to me on the cough and held me by my shoulders. He leaned down and slowly kissed me on the lips. I didn't know how to react, I didn't know what to do. But slowly I closed my eyes and gave into the kiss.

I never felt that way. What could I do then? Push him away? I couldn't do that, I didn't want to loose only people who cared about me...But I liked it. It was my first real kiss.

He was slowly and lightly drawing his tongue across my lips asking for permission, when I gave it to him, he slid it into my mouth.

He started to explore my tongue in a light licking motion. Then he started to suck on it, wrestling with it. Damn it felt so good. I was enjoying it, my thoughts about pushing him away dissappered.

While he was exploring lightly the other areas, especially the roof of my mouth I moaned. I didn't know when his fingers started to run through my hair, but he was so gentle...

But then it ended. I was breathing hard and fast. I didn't know what to say, I wasn't used to that kind of situations.

'' Now you know what our job looks like? ''

I raised my head only to met his dark eyes. They were so dark, yet you could look at them all day. I nodded not knowing what to say. And then he smiled, it wasn't a smirk, it was the most beautiful smile that I ever saw. His hand rubbed gently my chin.

'' I will show you what it's like.''

I didn't understand the meaning of this words. He must see the puzzled look on my face because after some time he quietly said

'' Being loved.''

I didn't know how I found myself in his room, in his bed. But I gave into him completely. I lost my virginity that night.

He showed me what being loved meant and it was the most incredible thing. He was so passionate and gentle at the same time. But I couldn't offer him much I didn't even kiss anybody before him. But he told me that I would learn in time.

After that night we started to going out. I was glad I found somebody like him. But the most important thing was that when I was with Ryan I didn't think about Matt. Every time we touch I didn't give a damn about the world around me.

I didn't mind his 'job'. They all did the selling thing. But it really didn't bother me.

After some time I started to wonder. How about to start earning money on myself? It was Ryan or others who always gave me things like clothes, food and even home so maybe I will do something for them.

I asked him if I could and I must admit it his answer didn't surprise me much. He told me that I can't do it without more practice...and again I ended in his room...

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After two weeks I showed in school. I bet they all though I was dead or something. As soon as I entered school hall everybody looked at me with widen eyes. Immediately as I went to my locker I heard whispers about me. Heh some of them were like '' Oh my god he is so sexy!'' but like I said only some of them because most were like: ''look that queer is back!''. But I didn't care.

The time that I spent with Ryan and the rest taught me some things. One of them is:

If people want to talk about you- let them. And don't bother change their opinion, it's not worth it.

I did what they told me to. I didn't worry about it. Most people hated me here, so that was their problem not mine.

As I grabbed my books the bell rang. I didn't bother to run, I slowly made my way to my class. I had History first. I never liked that subject anyway. When I opened the door I heard my name which was called by the teacher. He probably was checking our presence.

''Here''

As I said it everyone stopped doing whatever they were doing and looked at me. I saw Matt and Sora with shocked expressions on their faces. I looked at the teacher who after shaking his head , probably from shock ordered me to sit on my seat. As I went on I could feel everyone's gaze on me. Did I change that much?

I wore black pants with leather look panels on the shins and buckles on side of lower leg and black boots.

I had a short sleeved T-shirt with mask of the Devil designed on front.

And the words written in bloody red color '' God is busy ,Can I help you?''

I really liked that shirt...

Pair of pewter pentagram stud earrings was hanging from my ears.

And a giant, wiry spider of polished pewter was sewn onto my throat on the black leather necklaces with spikes. That was Ryan's present. I usually went everywhere with it.

And I had one earring in my brow and lip. They weren't special. They were normal without any additions.

Teacher started to tell some things about history. . .I didn't know what it was about. Most of the students tried to pay attention but others were sending me strange looks. Matt and Sora tried to do their best to not look at me ,but whenever they though I wasn't seeing they looked at me over and over again, like they were searching something. As the lesson ended I went to my locker. But as I was going someone stood in my way. It was Kari, my 'sister'.

She looked like she saw a ghost ,but she didn't tell a word. But I would have to not know her to not see her worried eyes. But like she had said I was NOT her brother. So again, I didn't care, or at least tried to.

'' You have my English book '' I heard a familiar voice.

I turned around to see Matt standing behind me. Did I really have his book? And why was he telling me it now? I looked inside of my locker...and guess what I found. Matt's book. I gave it to him without any word and closed my locker with my books inside. He looked at me with strange expression and then asked

'' What are you doing? You'll need that books.''

''I don't feel like staying in here''

And with that I left. Left that fucking school, and fucking people inside. Why the hell he was talking to me in the first place?! From what I heard he hated me! Because I was a ' FUCKING FAG! So what the hell did he want from me?! Fuck him and everyone else. I hope I will find Ryan somewhere, or maybe I will go and earn some money? I will do it.

So I skipped the rest of lesson and went to see if I would find some customers.

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**(A/N)So what do you think? Good /Bad/ Horrible? **

**I would be really glad if you told me your opinion and tell me to continue it or not? **

**Remember that English is my second language so there are lots of mistakes and I am sorry about that. **

**I usually write longer chapters so sorry for this one. I know it's a bit short. **


	2. Rozdział drugi

**(A/N) Thanks those who reviewed. **

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_-Taichi's POV-_

'' YAGAMI! Could you be so kind and repeat my question? ''

I looked at my homeroom teacher like she was an alien. When did I ever listen at her lessons?

''Nope''

She sighed with resignation.

'' That's another minus''

Minus? Why did she even bother with it? And still I didn't know where she found place to write them down. I had more minuses than this school students. And it all was from 'not listening on lessons'.

But who normally would? I wanted to be eighteen so I could leave this school and be finally free, but there was two years before me.

'' Taichi I talked with you in private many times, but I don't see any effects of it. S o I will tell it here in front of your class...''

What was she getting at? If she planned on telling here about my 'marks problems' then sure as hell it would cost unwanted attention. Damn.

''...Taichi if you are going to keep that up you won't pass this semester, and I highly doubt you'll make it and pass the whole year. You are falling EVERY class! Even PE!...''

Actually I wasn't falling every class. I failed them already. Yes even the most liked lesson in school. PE. I had always loved this one. But after that shit I stopped on coming on it. I stopped to change in clothes which were proper for gym. I stopped to care when my soccer practice ended. I couldn't play in it anymore because team didn't want me there. No, they didn't tell me this, but I felt it every time I had a ball, it was like I was playing against all the team. I couldn't keep with it anymore so I decided to stop coming.

Coach was disappointed in me. And he was showing me it with every occasion, every opportunity he had.

''...Taichi what's gotten into you?''

I only stared at her. How that bitch could giving me her morals in front of everyone. I heard some whispers but it quickly ended as I gave them my hated glare. Hehe they feared me now.

I had to work on that reputation, but it was worth it! And it was handy sometimes, like now perhaps.

After a couple of weeks pretending to no existing and hiding from everyone I started a new life. And all thanks to Ryan and the rest. I think it was when Matt and Sora started to date. But I didn't know why it hurt me, because I was with Ryan. But it hurt, it still hurt!

That was my first time. It wasn't like I didn't smoke before but that time I needed something stronger. And Ryan gave me some pill. Later I knew it was acid. But hell it was great!

Every color, every sound was different. Even people seemed to be funny. Their heads were different as well as their bodies. It reminded me of times when I was in circus in the mirrors room. Every mirror was giving you a different shape. I felt like I was such a mirror then, I was giving every one a new form. Seeing people like that was just...lets put it like that I hadn't laughed like that in years!

I and Max had such a good time...

Finally I could forget about that pain in my chest, I didn't have to face the reality. But what's reality? Is it something that you can touch, smell, taste, see, feel and hear? If the answer is yes, then I had now my own, better reality without lies and pain.

In the next day I took it as well, the effect was similar ,only stronger. Every time when I took acid it was stronger. Always me and Max were laughing like kids, maybe because he and I started at the same time? But Ryan and Kyle weren't in a mood like we were whilst taking drugs.

But always when we were near and when they heard our laugh they were smiling. That's why I liked so much that drug. Because of it Ryan was smiling.

For them acid was a normal stuff, nothing special, but for me it was the most incredible thing in this world. It was my escape from pain and suffering. Because of that pill I could live.

But I would never forget my first nightmare when I was on a trip. I was in school then in Chemistry class. I remember that I didn't take anything that day so it was a normal thing I needed it.

I went out of the lesson telling teacher that I must go to the toilet. When I was out I ran to the nearest and went to find my 'paradise' .

Like always I took the pill and waited for a couple of seconds when it would hit. But it never come. I only felt a little dizzy. When I wanted to go back to my class then it hit me. The effect wasn't the same as always.

In our school were posters which were telling how bad the drugs are. And I was standing near one of those. I didn't know what really was on that poster, I only knew what I had seen.

It was a human skull and it was coming to me. I was scared. I wanted to close my eyes but they only widened. My legs fell under my weight so I laid there, completely paralyzed.

I would never forget how I was laying there, afraid of that fucking thing. When somehow I closed my eyes and turned my head to other direction I made another mistake.

I saw a read box.

Whenever I took drugs the red color was so nice, calm and soft. I loved to watch that color. But now? It was so sharp. It frightened me. I was like that for a couple of minutes, but for me it were hours. Finally I could move, so I stood up. But still my right arm was paralyzed.

I slowly made my way to the washbasin and with my left hand I washed my face. The cold water against my skin felt nice. Then I looked in to the mirror which was in front of me.

I left my eyeliner in my bag which still was in class. Shit. And because of the fucking water I looked like I was crying with black tears. Damn. I washed my face and eyes. When I was done, I looked at myself again. That was horrible. I looked like I didn't know what sleep was. Ah fuck it! It wasn't like somebody cared.

Then I heard something, but I didn't think about it. I felt dizzy again and my head felt like it was hit by a car.

I only saw some shiny yellow color which later I recognized as Matt's hair. He was sent to find me by the teacher.

My eyes hurt so much then. Why the fuck they had to put so much red in this school?! I put my hand on my eyes. I didn't know where I was going. I felt him grab my arm and going somewhere, I of course went with him. He was telling me something, but I didn't pay attention. My head hurt so much!

Next thing which I knew was that I was standing in the classroom and the teacher was speaking to me, no not speaking, yelling! Others were speaking as well. Why they had to be so loud?!

Oh fuck my head.

'' Just shut the fuck up already!''

And then they all went quiet even the teacher. I rushed to my seat and took my bag. I didn't know if someone said something or not but I quickly went out of the classroom, and out of school.

I found Ryan who gave me something to calm me down. I didn't know what it was but it was good.

But I was taking it more and more often, I never suppose that...

'' YAGAMI!''

Again that hag interrupted my thoughts. I looked at her and with gritted teeth I hissed

'' What?!''

'' Were you even listening to me? Taichi I only want to help you ''

'' Help me?'' I repeated.

'' Yes help you, so tell me what's wrong? ''

Help me? Like I needed it! I was perfectly fine without her 'help' which I knew she didn't care. She only wanted me to pass this year because it wouldn't look good in her papers that her student didn't pass year because he failed every subject.

'' Fuck you and your help!'' I yelled. I really wasn't in the mood to play her games right now.

''Go to the headmaster now!''

She was furious. I never saw her with so much anger before...

But I did as I was told. But I made sure that the doors were slammed loudly when I went out.

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'' Want some? ''

'' Sure''

Another Sunday, another beer, another pill and then probably another ' bed session '.

That's how every Sunday and Saturday looked like. When I think about it other days were alike with only differences in me going to school and evenings spending with customers. But I liked it.

Ryan was always with me, by my side. Whenever I felt down or something he was always there. And if he was with some customer he always made sure that Kyle or Max kept an eye on me.

I didn't think that I deserved him. He was too good for me.

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I couldn't believe what was happening. The most popular boy in school actually spoke to me! I was honored. There were so many possibilities...maybe ask him to gave me his autograph? I wouldn't have another opportunity like this. It wasn't always that the most famous singer was talking with you. What to do? Kneel before him? Bow my head to show my respect?

What a fucking idiot! I will show you my respect and after I would be done with you ,even your own brother won't recognize you!

''What the fuck do you want now, Ishida?''

He looked at me with his blue eyes so full of concern and worry. Oh look my heart is bleeding! My eyes, I think I will cry! What the fuck was he thinking?

''I wanted to apology, we all want...''

But I never gave him chance to finish what he wanted to tell me.

'' Listen Ishida. Don't fuck with me because your_ girlfriend _wouldn't be pleased if something had happened to your pretty face''

I turned around and started to walk away, but he only grabbed me by my arm making me stop. He sure as hell knew how to annoy people.

'' Listen Taichi, we ALL are worried about you. You should know that we all make mistakes..''

'' Mine was trusting you '' Again I cut him off.

'' Why won't we forget about it and start again, you know as friends? '' He asked me a question which I asked myself a million of times before. I wanted so badly to gain his friendship back, so badly to have friends again. But I couldn't and I won't betray people who helped me when I needed it.

_'' That's disgusting!... ''_

I won't be like my old 'friends'. Never.

_''...How can you be a fag?!''_

I won't betray the trust that someone put into me.

_''...my best friend is a fucking fag...''_

I didn't want to remember this hurting words, but they were repeating over and over again. And soon I felt it again. The feeling which I constantly tried to run from, tried to hide from. The pain. The rejection.

'' I HATE YOU! ''

He was shocked I could tell, but not as shocked as I . But he shook his head and glared at me.

'' Know that I hate you too!''

And it was my turn to turn even more surprised and hurt by this words. Funny because I said it not so long ago.

But If he hated me so why the fuck did he even bothered to come in the first place?

'' We only pity you...''

Pity?! So all this acts were from pity? Only the weaker ones need pity and I made sure that I wasn't one of them. I fought with being weak all the time.

''...you think that we want as a friend someone like you...''

So I was right from the beginning they hate me...so...

''...I hated you with all my heart since I met you...''

...why still...it...

''You are a fucking fag how do you want to have friends?''

...hurt so much?

I didn't reply and neither waited for him to continue. I left him there. I didn't know if I was right, I could be wrong, and probably I was...

But I wanted to believe in it, I wanted to believe that Matt cried. I had seen tears in his eyes, but it could be me. Because when I touched my cheek it felt wet.

Usually Ryan waited for me after my lessons ended, but I didn't want to stay there any longer.

All I wanted was the pain to go away. I didn't see people around me because of my watery eyes, nor I cared about them.

I went to my home and sat on the couch feeling like I would break down any time soon.

Then I heard the doors open and someone walking towards me. I raised my head and saw a worried Ryan standing in the doorway.

I quickly rushed to his side and wrapped my hands around his waist bringing my face to his chest. He didn't ask what was wrong, he didn't speak at all.

He slowly began to rub my back. He always was so gentle. Always knew what to do, because now I didn't fell like talking, and I would never know how he knew this.

We stayed like that for a long time, until I didn't have any tears left. He helped me to make my way to the bedroom. Inside I laid on the bed with him still rubbing my back. When he wrapped his strong arms around me I felt safe. Safe and warm. I knew that he would never betray me. Never hurt me. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

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_-Ryan's POV-_

Like always I went to meet Taichi and walk with him home. But what I had seen surprised me. He was talking with that boy, what was his name ...Yamato? But Tai called him..Matt! Now I remembered.

But from what he said they hated each other so why they were talking?

I knew it wasn't right but as his boyfriend I had to see if everything was all right. So I came closer and heard their conversation.

I hoped it was fine, but from what I heard it wasn't. How that fucking little bitch could tell such things to MY Taichi?! I would kill that damn slut!

But first thing's first. I ran after Taichi, he didn't see me, and it was a good thing because he wouldn't appreciate that I was listening to his private conversation with that bitch.

When I entered our house I saw him sitting in the living room, he looked horrible. His eyes were all red and puffy from all this crying.

When he noticed me he ran to me and wrapped his hands around me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't need to ask him what was wrong because I already knew the answer.

My hand made her way to his backs. I started to rub him, as gently as I could. I swear I would kill the one who made him look like this. I couldn't help myself so I smirked as I'd imaginate things I would do to that blond head.

Taichi fell asleep in my arms in our bed. I couldn't help myself not to look at his beautiful frame. He was so different from people I knew. He reminded me of myself. Of my youth. I was just like he. Alone, left by the best friend and family.

When I entered school in the next morning I was searching for that bitch, and when I finally found him I wanted to break his neck.

Taichi didn't feel like going to school so I left him with Max. He thought that I was going to see my on of my clients.

Now I was standing in front of the cause of Taichi's sadness.

I grabbed the 'case' by his arm tightly making sure I'd leave a bruise. He yelped in pain not supposing that someone would attack him.

'' You aren't so talk live now boy, are you? ''

'' Who are you?'' He asked with surprise in his voice.

'' Your worst nightmare'' I hissed. I didn't even know him well but I already hated him. I yanked him so he was going next to me, maybe not going because it was more like me dragging him, but oh well...

We were outside so no one would interfere.

'' Listen bitch. If I ever see you even looking at Taichi again I'll kill you '' He somehow yanked his arm free of my gasp.

But who he thought he was fucking with?

He hissed in pain as I pulled him up by his hair.

'' Understood bitch?'' I asked as I let go of him completely only to punch him in his stomach.

I didn't hear him answering only gasping and having some problems with breathing, but I didn't give a damn.

''I asked you a question!'' I yelled loosing my patience.

He was on his fours so I kicked him hard. The sharp kick to the ribs made him respond by giving me a weak nod.

''What was that?!''

Another kick to his side.

'' I'll ask again. Do you understand?''

Again I pulled him up by his hair so he was on the same eye level as me. Hehe that had to hurt. He was shorter that I so I lifted him by a couple of inches holding him only by his hair.

'' y-yes...'

I let him go and so he was laying on the dirty ground with one hand on his stomach and another holding his hair.

Now I remembered something, how Taichi called him when he was telling me about his so called ' friends '.

He was the 'overprotective hair freak'. Too bad I left my scissors at home...

''Good and remember another time we meet you will need to wear some hat ''

I kicked him one more time and I went away leaving him there. He sure as hell was a hair freak. He was so frightened that he let go of his stomach and grabbed his head. It looked like he was trying to hide his hair before me or something. And I could only laugh at that.

It wasn't like I hadn't had his blond locks on my hands because I couldn't make myself clean of that dirt.

I hope he would remember his lesson because in our next 'meeting' I won't be so nice anymore.

No one will hurt my Taichi! I will make sure of it.

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	3. Rozdział trzeci

**(A/N) I wanted to say 'thank you' to:**

**Takato the dreamer/ lil raven rider./ Jedi Lord -Author-/ DarkMetalAngel of Destruction/ HIKED/ Mystique Monique aka Mina/ Deaths-Guardian/ .Queenof theDamned./ Devildelivery and JyouraKoumi.**

**For reviewing my story and to all those who read it. Thank you! **

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_- Matt's POV -_

FLASHBACK

''Matt can we talk?'' I heard him asking me I nodded and we went outside. I waited for Taichi to say something, but obviously he was embarrassed by it, because it took him some time to gather everything and start to speak.

'' Matt I...I...think I like you...more than just a friend...''

Ok, that weren't the words I thought I would hear here. It was shocking! How could he like someone like me. What would people think?! But my thoughts were interrupted by a girl.

''Ewwwwwww! That's disgusting! How can you be a fag?! ''

That was Sora a girl who didn't leave me alone for five minutes! But she was very popular, and others liked her. I liked her as well but not in that way.

She was Taichi's friend, but I noticed she was jealous because I spent more time with him than with her. And what she thought I would do? He was my best friend not her, but was he even a friend now?

He looked at me with eyes that showed so much hurt and, fear? No , that couldn't be it. Taichi wasn't the type of a guy who was easily scared of something.

''And what you have to say?'' he asked me silently, it was barely a whisper.

What could I do? Tell him I feel the same and face the consequences. Loose everything that I achieved?.

I knew how others would act if they found out I was gay, '' Oh my God Yamato Ishida is..a..is..a..it's too disgusting!''

I had so many fans, people liked me, they always smiled to me ,even those who I didn't know. But I hate when there's so many people around me. I guess it's my anti-social attitude.

But hearing whispers, and insults which would be given behind my back, feeling their hated glares at me...only thinking of it made me shiver. If they would laugh at me? I would never live through this! I didn't tell it to anyone, even my best friend. Taichi. Yes he was...no he is...my best friend, he still could be one right? But I never told anyone that my fear was to be a loner. Funny isn't it ? I always acted like I preferred to be alone than to hang out with my friends. It was because of my fear again. I didn't want them to know the true me, if they didn't like me for who I was then they would hate me, so like always I tried to act distant and still friendly with everyone in my own way.

''It's better to be hated for who you are ,than loved for who you are not''

Yes, I knew this quote but in my person it was

„It's better to be loved for who you are not ,than hated for who you are''

I was so different than Taichi. He was strong, when someone was threating him like shit, he did the same, he never let anyone to dominate him.

And I let them do whatever they wanted to. I never argued, never fought back, I always took it, like the last looser I was. But I couldn't make enemies, that would make some people hate me. And I couldn't have that.

And there was that Sora girl. She wanted to be with me. She told me it a couple of times before, but I ignored her telling I didn't have time for girls. But now, what to do? She was popular and if we were together people would like me more.

I could tell him to get lost. And loose my best friend who never let me down.

I watched as people glanced at us, at me. At what I would do. Then Sora mouthed to me ''What are you doing? Tell him to get lost'' A couple of faces looked at my reaction with disgust written all over them.

I...hope you will forgive me someday.

'' I just found out that my best friend is a fucking fag and you...'' I didn't finish what I wanted to say. It was too difficult.

I put my hand on my mouth regretting those words that left it.

I watched him ran away. I wanted to go after him. But then someone put his arm on my shoulder. It was one of the popular kids. He said '' Good you aren't a looser Ishida'' And then I knew I would never ran after him.

I knew I stepped on you hard. But Taichi please understand...

END OF FLASHBACK

I talked with Kari, she was regretting her decision. She wasn't a bad kid, but she acted on impulse I guess. Now she was too scared to talk with her own brother. But I wasn't any better.

Taichi didn't show in school for two weeks. And not once I found Kari crying about that, she told me that she didn't want to tell this her father because he hated people who were 'different'.

He just heard her conversation on the phone with one of her friends when she asked for help. She didn't know what to tell Taichi after she told him he wasn't her brother any more.

And the last time she saw him was in the doorway when he was leaving the house.

And two weeks passed by and still no Taichi. Sora wasn't so cheerful like she used to be, she wasn't so proud of herself after the thing she did to her friend. I could understand her feelings, because I felt the same way, but I didn't show it in front of the others, that would mean I cared for a ...squeer.

And people would hate me!

And then on our lesson teacher was checking our presence. But when teacher read Taichi's name a quiet voice was heard. Everyone looked at the one who spoke and immediately froze. He wasn't himself! That dark clothes, rings in his brow and lower lip, his earrings, and make up?! And he was so pale...But ...What the fuck? I think everyone were asking themselves this question. What's happening? Why did you change this much?.

I wanted to talk with him but whenever I looked at him, he didn't even acknowledge me.

After some time I decided to start a simple conversation. He didn't give me my book back so I thought I would ask him about it.

He was standing near his locker, I passed a couple of people whilst walking to him, but one of them caught my attention. It was Kari. She looked strange. And she didn't even rise her gaze at me. Nothing. She just stood with her head lowered down, eyes locked on the ground. And then she went away...It was ...creepy I think.

'' You have my English book '' I said. .

He turned around and saw me standing there. He was surprised a little but then he started to search for my book. When he finally found it, he gave it to me, more like throw it at me if I had to be honest. Then he put the rest of his books inside. What was he up to?

'' What are you doing? You'll need that books.''

''I don't feel like staying in here''

And with that he left. Left me standing there, left school and lessons.

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On the other day we had biology first, and Taichi wasn't there. The second lesson was Physic, and like I thought he wasn't in class. But when the teacher stopped checking our presence the doors opened showing none other than Yagami Taichi wearing his dark clothes.

Our teacher Miss Fujimaki rose from her seat and glared at him whilst he just shrugged and went to his desk. Her jaw was now hanging and her eyes wide open. Never in her life a student ignored her.

She was quite cruel to begin with, so we had to respect her and her rules.

'' Mr Yagami may I know what you are doing?''

Again Taichi didn't say anything, just sat on his chair and looked out of the window.

'' I'm speaking to you and I'd appreciate if you didn't ignore me''

He didn't even bother to look at her. Everyone was sending him strange looks.

She made her way to his desk and slammed her hand on it, making us to jump on our chairs. But again he remind untouched.

'' I AM talking to you!''

''It's hard to not hear your annoying voice'' he answered her still looking through the window.

No one ever dared to glare at her! She was the kind of teacher who everyone feared. Even Taichi. He once told me that she was giving him creeps whenever he glanced her way.

How one person could change that much in that short period of time?

'' STAND UP!'' she lost her patience, I could tell. Students who were sitting near Taichi's desk backed as far as it was possible for them from her angry form. I didn't blame them. I would probably did the same.

He slowly stood up and looked her in the eye.

'' You must be prepared for this lesson and know everything about our today's topic I see...''

She smiled deviously and continued

''...so go to the blackboard and do the exercise ten from page eighteen four''

'' I don't know how to do it'' he stated, not even sending a glance at his book.

'' I'll give you a proper mark for your answer today Mr Yagami''

'' I didn't suspect you do do different''

She glared at him for a while and then took her note book where she wrote Taichi's mark.

'' I hope you don't have anything else to say?''

'' No thank you, I don't feel like talking with you''

'' I am NOT your friend , I AM your teacher and you will respect me! Understood?!''

'' I respect only those who are respected, and you sure as hell aren't one of them.''

Ok, that was unexpected. I could only hold my breathe and watch what was happening.

'' Don't mock with me boy. You won't win''

''We'll see about that'' then he took his bag and walked out of the classroom, ignoring teachers rants about detention and 'starting a war' or something. I was too stunned to hear her properly.

But she was beyond pissed.

Lets put it that way the rest of the lesson wasn't so interesting any more. It was a horror.

The rest of classes went similar, except art. Our teacher couldn't stand his remarks and left, she just left us for the rest of the lesson to do whatever we wanted. 1)

But I knew that something seriously was wrong with him. And it wasn't a thing to ignore.

Days passed by and his behaviour didn't change. I started to date Sora. I didn't know why, I just did. But it helped me. People who were still thinking that maybe I was homosexual or something were now proven wrong.

I talked with Sora about some matter, and she was troubled justr like I were.

_FLASHBACK_

We were in a chemistry class. Taichi decided that he had to use the toilet, but I could tell he was lying. I wondered where did he go instead. All classes he was so distracted. He barely paid attention on what was around him. I mean he was always like that but this time it was just too strange, even for him to act that way.

After fifteen minutes teacher ordered me to go and bring Taichi back to the classroom. She was really angry at him.

I looked through half school and...no Taichi. Then I suddenly spotted something brown and black. It was Taichi with his usual dark clothes. He looked like he was afraid of something. I looked at his face which was all wet from the clod water. He had dark bangs under his eyes, and his hair was messy. He didn't look too good. I was wondering if maybe taking him to the nurse office was better but then I stated the teacher would get an heart attack if I wouldn't returned with him soon.

I took him by his hand and I started to go towards our class. He didn't even fight with me, he just let me led the way. Something was seriously wrong with him. I tried to look in his eyes by looking behind my shoulder whilst walking, but everything I saw was brown hair.

Finally we were standing beside the door which would led us to a very angry teacher. Hell it took me another fifteen minutes to find and drag him here.

Like I suspected our teacher was angry.

''Yagami! Where were you!''

He quickly put his hands on his ears and started mumbling something.

'' What did you think you were doing running of like that! ''

He was shaking now. Whole class looked at him with curiously and fear of what they may find.

'' Taichi! What's happening to you''

Others started to talk, more like whisper. ''Taichi! Answer to me''

And still with his hands on his ears he shouted with all his strength

'' Just shut the fuck up already!''

And they really did that, even the teacher. It was just too shocking.

I watched as he rushed to his desk, took his bag and he left our classroom slamming the doors shut.

''What's happening to you?'' I repeated, whispering.

END OF FLASHBACK 

I was worried. We all were. Kari looked like she could break down any minute. We all agreed it would be the best if we just say 'sorry', but again why me? Let's just put it that way apologies weren't really my strong side. It was always hard for me to tell 'sorry'.

But somehow I gathered all my strength and went to look after him.

Finally I saw him standing outside out of the school, like he was waiting for something or someone.

When I made my way to him ,he greeted me by saying:

''What the fuck do you want now, Ishida!''

I just looked at him. Did he really hate me so much? But his eyes, they are different, so much different from before. And again, people were looking our way. Just great, he had to yell.

''I wanted to apology, we all want...'' That cost me everything! I was praying that nobody heard me, what would they think of me?! I really didn't want to think about that.

And still Taichi didn't even let me finish my sentence.

'' Listen Ishida. Don't fuck with me because your girlfriend wouldn't be pleased if something had happened to your pretty face''

What? He just, no he didn't? What the fuck! I came all this way to apology and he, he just threat me like some worthless trash!

Great even more people were now looking our way. Thank you Yagami. But I had to go through this. I promised Kari that I would make things better.

He started to walk away, but I grabbed him by his arm. I knew that I was making an idiot out of myself, but I had to try harder ,at least for Kari and myself. I must admit it, I was worried about him. He changed so much. Even I didn't recognize him anymore.

'' Listen Taichi, we ALL are worried about you. You should know that we all make mistakes..''

I tried to do my best, I really did. But like I said. I didn't know how to apology properly so that kind of situations weren't my favorites.

'' Mine was trusting you '' That hurt, it really did. So I guess he hated me even more that I thought.

'' Why won't we forget about it and start again, you know as friends?''

I was pleading now. I wanted him to come back and be my friend again. Maybe not a best friend but just a friend. It was enough for me.

But he didn't answer right away, he looked like he was fighting with himself. He probably didn't know how to respond. But after a while he shouted.

'' I HATE YOU! ''

What? That, that hurt me even deeper than his earlier words. I felt so ..so ...alone then, knowing that someone who I spent all my life with hated me now.

Someone gasped and that brought me to my right senses. People were looking, looking at me with those eyes again. I knew they would gossip about me. About my 'apology' That will be the end of my life!

I did this, I did! He knew damn well how hard it was for me to say sorry and still he didn't care. And I did it in front of the other students. He should at least show me a little respect!

I was so pissed...

And then it hit me. I remembered every time we laugh together, every time he smiled just for me. Every moment he hugged me just to show that he cared. His eyes were so full of concern and worry when I was spending my time alone, sitting as far as possible from others.

It was he, who changed me. Because of him I put my trust in other people. He always was my hero.

And now he hated me. HE HATED ME! I trusted him! I really did! He said he would never leave me. He said he would never betray me!

Everything was so mixed, I didn't know what I wanted to say but I was sure as hell it weren't those words.

'' Know that I hate you too!''

I couldn't understand why I said it. I looked at him, he was glaring at me. He once again showed me that he didn't care! I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me!

'' We only pity you...''

Maybe it was right, maybe not. But deep inside I knew I pitied him, because of the way he was now.

''you think that we want as a friend someone like you...''

He betrayed me, my trust. I never believed in anyone besides him and he turned it against me! He should suffer..just like ..I did.

''...I hated you with all my heart since I met you...''

You hurt me, like no one before. Maybe because you were my first real friend. You showed me what friendship meant. What loyalty was. And the most important what it meant to trust someone, to trust you. And still you just rejected me...

. . . . .just. . .

'You are a fucking fag how do you want to have friends?''

... like...

...I...

...did.

I was the first one to hurt you , and all what I was thinking was how much you hurt me.

I felt the tear slowly making her way down my cheek. I wanted to tell you that...but it was too late, you were already gone...

Others looked my way and gave me thumbs up, but I didn't notice them ,I didn't want to.

I should be proud of myself . At least people still liked me.

Now all I knew was that I made a terrible mistake, mistake that was unforgivable.

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Like I suspected, Taichi didn't come to school today.

I was standing near classroom when I felt someone else presence, but I tried to pay no attention to him/her who ever it was.

But when I was grabbed by my right arm tightly I looked at the intruder, only to find an older boy, maybe twenty years old? But he was pissed.

'' You aren't so talk live now boy, are you? ''

'' Who are you?'' I asked him. I didn't know him. I never made enemies so why he was attacking me? I didn't do anything wrong!

'' Your worst nightmare'' he hissed.

Great, just fucking great! Again what did I do? Nothing! I didn't even know this guy, and the worse of it all was that he was making a scene.

I prayed to Gods for him to let me go and people to not see this. When he started to drag me outside I thanked them silently. But my arm was hurting , his grip was even more stronger than before.

'' Listen bitch. If I ever see you even looking at Taichi again I'll kill you ''

What? Taichi! That was it! First I came and apology, then he was telling me he hated me in front of everyone! And then he sent his fucking bodyguard to like I presumed beat the living shit out of me! What a nerve!

I yanked my arm free, finally feeling it. I thought he would squash it! But only one look at his face told me -it was a wrong move, very wrong one, shit!

He pulled me up by my hair. No, why my hair, why them! Take my hand , but please not my hair!

'' Understood bitch?'' He asked me whilst letting go of my hair, thank you! But then he punched me in the stomach. But he wasn't holding me by my blond locks any more. So Yamato be happy!

But hell, it hurt, I couldn't breathe!

''I asked you a question!'' he yelled at me. Sure as hell I would answer you if I didn't have to catch my breathe somehow!

He kicked me again, so I gave him a nod hoping that was enough

''What was that?!''

I guess it wasn't.

Another kick.

'' I'll ask again. Do you understand?''

He lifted me by a couple of inches by my...hair! Why, why why! Let them go damnit!

'' y-yes...'' I responded.

Finally he let me go. I hurt my back when I fell onto the dirty ground.

''Good and remember another time we meet you will need to wear some hat ''

What?! No not in a fucking million years! I prefer to die than to loose my hair!

He kicked me one last time and then laughing he went away.

Shit, Taichi you fucking idiot! I fucking hate you now!

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**(A/N) Again thanks for reading and one more thing: English is my SECOND language so there are plenty of mistakes, grammar errors etc. Sorry about them all! I really can't help it. **

**Please review. **

1) It's possible, our class made a teacher to leave with her hands in her hairs running off, it was pretty interesting to see.


	4. Rozdział czwarty

**(A/N) I wanted to apologize for not updating it sooner. I had very importaint matters to take care of, one including my problems with health. So I'm very sorry that I didn't update for such a long time. **

**I want to thanks everyone who reviewed on my last chapter and those who bother and read it. **

**If there still are people who like it I hope you will enjoy this chapter! Thanks again!**

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-Matt's POV-

I swore I'd kill that fucking son of a bitch. How I hated him now. Yagami you fucking looser!

It had been two weeks since that 'incident' where I almost lost my hair. I still could feel that big, ugly and dirty hands on them. I washed them all day using two bottles of shampoo, and guess what? I still felt his scent! Yagami was so lucky that he wasn't at school since then, I'd make his life a living hell right now. I didn't know how but I was sure I'd think of something...

My thoughts were interrupted by bell. Shit, I didn't take my books from my locker. I'd be late if I didn't hurry. I never was late! Oh goddamnit Yagami! You had to ruin everything? It was your fault!

-Taichi's POV -

I decided to go to school today. Nothing to do at home I guess...

But never mind that. Teacher started to tell us some shit about some guy called...Jeremy...Bentham?

Who the fuck was he? Probably some shit head if we are supposed to learn about him in here. 'Supposed' that's the key world. When I decided to go to sleep I heard loud knock on the doors and someone came in panting. It was the great Ishida Yamatao! Haha he was late! I never saw him late. Mr. Perfect wasn't so perfect anymore. I'd get yelled at already or heard some kind of her lectures, yep mostly lectures. But I wounder why she never gave me a detention. She was the only one teacher who didn't give me one. And sometimes I had to admit. I deserved one.

But do what the fuck was she doing now? Smiling?!

''Take your seat and don't be late again'' and that was all which was told by the oh so fair teacher. She could at least gave him that fucking lecture but no!

I tried to sleep again but her babbling wouldn't let me do it. Nor the glares I received. Guess from who...

Again I tried to ignore them all and go to sleep, but when my name was called I had to stand up and do whatever the fuck she wanted me to do. But I didn't do anything wrong this time so what did she want? Last time I remembered she didn't give a fuck if I was asleep or not.

"Stand up," was my teacher's reply.

Grumbling to myself I stood. But I had to brace my arms on the desk because I was sure I would fall. I felt strange, tired yet full of energy.

''Taichi dear...'' _oh god I hated when somebody called me that..must resist from killing her..._

'' I hope you all know I'm trying to be nice and helpful to everyone, right?'' _Please god kill me already! Not another lecture..._after seeing most of pupils nods she continued '' But Taichi my patience won't last for ever so tell me dear when do you want to get some good grade? I don't have any thing that'd let you pass this semester. And you know what would happen if you didn't pass, right?

Was she stupid or from police? Damn that woman who the fuck she thought she was? I knew damn well what was going to happen to me , so why even bother ? But she looked like she wanted me to answer...hmm...she lets me sleep in her classes, so she couldn't be so bad. So I decided to be nice as well.

'' I'll have to try and pass everything in the 2nd semester whilst passing and learning material from the 2nd too''

''And if you won't make it?''

''I'll repeat this year''

''So I'll try and ask you some question, if you answer some of them correctly I'll let you pass my subject ok?''

I just shrugged. I didn't care. Even if I passed this subject I still got others to worry about. I was a lost case.

''Do you know about whom we talked today?'' I was sleeping ...or at least tried to. So how the fuck should I know! Maybe it was that guy which was mentioned at the beginning? I didn't have anything to lose anyway.

''Jeremy Bentham?''

''You listened! I'm so glad Taichi. Now tell me something about him. What nationality was he?''

''ee...English?'' It had to be English..it was...English literature...

''Very good''

And the questions went on and on. I answered most of them correctly. I think that a 5 year old wouldn't have any problem with that. That stuff was just too easy. I knew most of it years back. I couldn't understand that teacher. Why she wanted to help me so much. It was a misery ..not only for me but for others as well.

But If I had to be honest I never had any trouble with her. I used to stay after lesson and talk with her. It was nice. She liked me very much. She told me I was just like her son in my age. And it was always a good thing to talk to me.

Every other class was the same. Teachers talked. Students almost fell asleep. I slept. Matt glared. ..yup! It was very interesting I must admit.

And it was all as it goes for today.

When I went home Ryan was already asleep on the couch. He had to be very tired. I took some blanket and covered him. Next thing that I knew was walking to our room and taking his bag. He always was hiding something for me. And it wasn't helping that I was getting suspicious. When I made my way through his stuff I didn't imagine I'd find that! It was a white powder. Hmm it could be fun...

-Next day-

I finally opened my eyes to the annoying buzzing. It was my alarm clock. I glared at it for waking me up, but that's what alarm clocks are for. I reached over in order to grab it and then threw it across the room. When it made contact with wall the annoying sound stopped. I turned over and got comfortable. And as soon as I began to drift away to my dream land the buzzing started again. I officially hate alarm clocks!

I went to the bathroom and took a shower. Damn I felt like shit. But that stuff which Ryan had was brilliant. When I got my hair to stay down a bit I started searching for my eyeliner. Fuck. My memory was even worse than before. I caught myself forgetting about obvious stuff like days etc. I didn't know why I was like that. And now I couldn't remember where I put my things! Finally I found it! I applied it carefully around my eyes. I couldn't go anywhere without it.

Then I opened my closed and saw...black. All I had was black, dark blue, and some gray colored clothes. Occasionally you will find dark red in there.

I grabbed a dark pair of boxers and slipped them on whilst dropping my towel on the floor. Then I grabbed some black T-shirt which was too big for me and a pair of black loose pants that hung low on my chips.

I made my way through the living room where I found Ryan in the same position as I left him. Was he even alive? I checked his pulse...he was alright. So what was wrong with him? He was acting strangely in those last days. Always tired, but always sleeping. He was thinner than before, but I guess I wasn't perfect either.

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I went to the classroom, walking slowly through the empty corridors, knowing that the next period had already started.

I opened the door without knocking and thirty heads turn to me..

"Mr. Yagami, nice of you to keep us waiting." I didn't say anything because I didn't have anything to say. "Go to your seat," she commanded me. I glared at her and did as was told.

''Detention, I won't tolerate that locks Mr Yagami.''

I hated that hag. I wish her to burn in hell. Stupid bitch. I took my normal seat at the back of the classroom. Like always. It was my daily routine to sit there.

I sighed to myself whilst putting on my headphones. I could care less what was being taught.

I folded my arms and buried my head into the crook of my elbow. I blocked everything and everyone out. I could only smile as the loud music played inside my ears.

I didn't know when I started to tap my pen against the desk. I was too much into my music to notice. And it was too loud for me to know I was disturbing that stupid class. Only when someone grabbed my hand ,the one with my pen I opened my eyes and looked at the intruder. It was my history teacher...she was mad.

''Will you stop! You never did anything right so at least be quiet and don't disturb your classmates. They wanted to learn something useful and be someone in the future not like the kinds of you!''

That was it! I tried to be nice ,really. But that bitch just didn't know where to shut up! What the hell did she mean by 'my kinds'. I was someone not a fucking dirt. I wasn't like that scums I met everyday. Those fucking addicts and shit like that. I was much better then them. So what the fuck?! And I could stop taking drugs when I wanted, I just liked that feeling when they were inside of me.

I had my own family now. And I tried to be like them. Then she not only thought that I was some low peace of shit but they were as well. What a nerve.

'' If you listened only once on my lesson then you'd know much more. Don't be afraid of learning something once in a while!''

''Please...Like I cared what a dead guy thought of life!''

''We will see each other after your lessons boy''

And with that she started to tell some more shit.

''Whatever''

The bell rang--finally--ending the 'interesting' lesson. I got my things as well as everyone else.

I had PE next. I didn't fell like going there. I had some more of this stuff I took from Ryan. And it'd cheer me up. Or at least help me to think about something else not only ways to kill some teachers.

I went to the boy's toilet. When I was sure that everyone were in their classes I took out the spoon, lemon and syringe from my school bag. When I sprinkled the white powder on the spoon I added a couple of water drops from the tap, and some lemon juice, because the powder which wasn't clean could better dissolve.

I heated everything up by my silver lighter. Then I took the syringe. When everything was inside of it I put the spoon on th floor. Next I looked down at my right arm, and for a while I looked at my vein and after awhile I injected the substance.

My arms and legs became so heavy, but light at the same time. I became so tired, but that feeling was good. Really good. I closed my eyes and let my imagination take over me.

I didn't know why, I didn't know how. But I was standing in the teachers room. I didn't give a damn about the things that were told by people around me I was looking at the walls. At red walls. It looked so beautiful. I couldn't focus on it more clearly because it started to drift. Everything split up. On different colors, forms, shapes...it was such an interesting change.

The walls were so pretty. They looked like flames with orange in it. Maybe yellow too? Then there was some bright light, too bright. I had to use my hands as a shield. My eyes started to tear up because of it. Someone tried to take my hands off my face but I only yelled something about turning the sun off. Maybe it was sun. Maybe not. But I felt like it was. Only sun could be so bright and only it could make you so hot.

Then something touched me, on my shoulder. It felt nice, but when that thing started to shake me. That hurt. I backed out and trapped myself into the corner of the red thing. It was all around me. For some time I thought that it wanted to eat me. Maybe it wanted to protect me? I didn't know, but it was funny. And I started to laugh loudly.

Ah! My eye my eye! Something went into my eye! I heard it! Something big was near and then slam! Some hands grabbed me, I didn't know what was happening. I only remembered something taking me. Something yelling at me. And everything went black.

-Matt's POV-

When that idiot didn't came on our next lesson which was PE I volunteered as the person who would go and search for him. Our teacher didn't like when Taichi decided to not come on the lessons. He always liked that bastard. And who wouldn't in his place? Without Taichi his soccer team was worth no more that shit. It was hard to admit but he was a really good player and the only one who could be the leader on the field. Coach wanted him to come back but he wasn't interested. Even some of team players thought that without him it wasn't even worth trying to win something.

I guess they were right. Really. I saw their practice once. It was enough for me to know that I would be the master on the field... they called themselves the best players? Maybe they were. But without a good leader they were lost. But where was I again?

Oh I know now. I went to the boys toilet on the second floor. I knew he would be there because when I went to my locker which was on the first floor I saw him going there.

When I finally went inside I was speechless. Syringe. Blood. His blood. He was just lying there, smiling. What the fuck?! I had to make a choice. I could just leave the looser and tell the PE teacher that I couldn't find him anywhere or go and find the nearest teacher and tell everything. It was a hard one. I promised that he would pay for what he did! I knew that was my only motive, but deep inside I wanted to think that I done this only because I was scared. Scared that something bad would happen to him when I leave. He was barely conscious. I made my mind and ran as fast as I could to the teachers room. I was lucky some of them didn't teach any classes for this hour, because I would be disturbing their lesson in order to help Taichi. Help huh? I was helping! I was worried, I wasn't doing it because I hated him. No, not at all. Oh goddamnit!

I didn't care, I was going to knock on this door which were now in front of me ,tell a teacher that Taichi took some drugs, and be happy after he receive a punishment! That was my plan.

So I knocked. When the teacher answered I told him everything.

When we finally reached our destination ,Taichi was standing, looking on the floor with blood trickling from his arm. The teacher helped him with walking. When we went inside the teachers room Taichi went to the nearest red wall.

''Taichi, what did you do?''

But the question was left without an answer.

''Taichi?''

Again the teacher didn't hear any answer.

''Yamatao call his father''

''Yes sir'' I went to the phone which was on the desk near the window I still remembered his number . I called it so many times. I could hear as my teacher tried to talk with Taichi but he didn't answer, only look at that stupid wall as it was some kind of beauty art.

I heard Mr Yagami on the phone, I knew that Taichi didn't live with him anymore. But the school didn't. So what could I do? I told him about Taichi, he wasn't pleased but he told me that he would be right there. I was shocked. I thought that he would tell me that he didn't want anything to do with Tai.

I told loudly that his father was on his way.

''Turn the light on'' I did as he asked me to.

Then Taichi started to panic. He put his hand in front of his eyes. It wasn't that bright. After yelling something like 'the sun is too bright' teacher told me to turn it off. What the fuck? What sun? Was he some kind of idiot ? Maybe that drug done that?

The teacher started to hold him by his arm and then started to shake him. He wanted him to calm down. I never saw something like that, I must admit I was a little bit scared. I never saw a person to act that way. Then Taichi started to back off. But why? He was in the corner and then started to laugh? I didn't get what was so funny. But then I heard some footsteps and a knock.

In the doorway stood Taichi's father with an angry look on his face.

Taichi didn't laugh.

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**(A/N) Thanks for reading. And let me know what you think by reviewing. **

**I'm sorry for all mistakes but English is my second language. **


	5. Rozdział piąty

**(A/N) I wanted to thank everyone who reviewed. Thanks guys.**

**For 'Steve' **

**Thanks! You just made my day ;p. I'm really happy when I got reviews. I hope I won't dissappoint you with the next chapter... **

**I wouldn't want to upset my new fan right? grinns Thanks! **

**For 'random.reader'**

**Thank you for your review I'm glad that you liked it. I'm trying to do my best! **

**And I'm Polish...but my Englisch isn't so good...I wish it was...but maybe some day. So for now on you must deal with my mistakes XD **

**Thanks again! And I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. **

**I'm replying you that way because I can't do it different. **

**Thank you very much! ) **

**And now with the fic...**

-Taichi's POV-

It hurts. It was the only one thing that I could think of. Everything felt like it was on fire. And I had a strange feeling in my throat. I was thirsty yet I probably couldn't swallow even a drop of water. When I calmed down I tried to sit up. After the third time of trying I finally succeed.

I noticed that I was in my own room, in my old house. I was shocked because nothing changed, not a single thing, except that it was clean.

My head started to hurt even more because I was remembering yesterdays events. I was in a deep shit. I looked at my desk and there were pictures. Pictures of my mom. She was a beautiful woman. She stood proudly in her red dress with a warm smile on her face. It was taken at the beginning of her illness, many would be in tears but not her, she always manged to smile.

That was why I loved her so much. I would give many things just for seeing her smile again. You think I'm a fool ,right? But that's the way I am.

Next was a picture with soccer team. I stood in the middle. Everyone were in good mood back then. We won our first serious match. It's hard to forget such a wonderful, yet sad memories. I knew that it would never come back.

The third photography was taken two years ago. It was of me and Matt. He had a nice smile on his face.

I didn't want to think of him any more so I looked at the next one.

It was Kari. Another painful event in my life. But she was strange at least in this photo, why was she moving? Photographies don't move, right? Maybe that one was different? Who knows...

The last thing I saw before I hit the pillow was a pair of brown eyes.

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''You're awake''

I looked in the direction of the deep voice that had spoken a second ago. I saw my father, he was standing in the doorway.

He didn't say anything only went inside and sat on the bed in which I was laying.

''It was a mistake for me to let you go like that. I promised your mother I'd take care of you two.''

Why was he telling me that? I didn't understand. But I felt much better that before. I could sit up without help. And when I did I looked in his direction. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea? Maybe if I just laid there he wouldn't talk more? Maybe I provoked him somehow...

Only one thing was sure -I wouldn't know.

''But you know what? It's a good thing I have an adult for a son''

How I hated that kind of talks, now he would tell me that drugs were bad, I should go to the church and pray all night and day. Yeah right...

After glancing at me with his...worried eyes? Was he worried? Angry yes, but worried? I couldn't find the reason behind it, I was perfectly fine.

''You won't mind?'' he asked me taking out his packet of cigarettes and a lifter. I shook my head but I couldn't take my eyes off that packet. He must see my problem because after awhile he threw it at me showing that I could take some.

I didn't know what he took this morning but I wanted him to be like that all the time.

When I finally put it in my mouth my father lifted it for me. I sent him a strange look, he had to see it too because after a while he smiled and said

''You're an adult so you can smoke, drink and take drugs. Why hide it before me? You're old enough to do this.''

When I was done I felt a little weaker. I wasn't in my best form after yesterday. I think I took more of that stuff than I should.

But when I wanted to lay down again my father grabbed my arm.

'' Are you tired Mr. Adult? Look what I bought for you. It's a present.''

Yeah, it was a present. Present that a normal son in this age would never suspect to be bought for him, especially by his father. There on my bed were five packets of cigarettes.

''You will smoke them boy, every single one. Now. '' 1)

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I didn't know how long I spent in the bathroom throwing up, but it felt like a eternity.

'' Don't tell me you have enough Mr. Adult. There is only one left'' I heard father saying. I didn't think I could take one more much less one packet. Normally I smoked one daily, but five? And after that incident? It was like a suicide! What the fuck did he want? Kill me?

If yes then he should do it now, death would be better that this, at least in hell I wouldn't have to spend the rest of my life throwing up next to the evil bastard who wants to torture you!

Hell is much better place, at least in there I wouldn't be so sick.

I won't ever find out how I did it. But I did. All five packets were now empty. But it wasn't good for me. I felt like dying anytime.

'' Want more?'' It was a simple question but for me it was another torture.

''No'' I whispered, I couldn't speak louder. I was so tired and sleepy, but that fucking stomach wouldn't give me a rest.

''Hey, don't be like that. I bought some bears. And I want you to drink them all Taichi or should I say Mr. Adult?''

He really hated me. He really did. Maybe the idea of a sudden death wasn't so bad?

I wanted to go home so badly. But where was it?

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In the next day I was taken to the doctor. He ran some tests and asked questions. After some time I couldn't focus. I was looking at everything else than I should.

He told some things about me being a little 'different' now especially when I didn't have any contact with drugs. I didn't listen , it's not like I care...

But I had to say 'thanks' without the note of sarcasm in my voice to my dear father for what he did. Whenever I saw someone smoking or drinking in the next two weeks I throw up. I couldn't take that smell.

My father ordered me to stay. My room was the same, but new for me. I forgot I had so many things. My sport trophies and such. Every single thing brought some memories.

Father told me about my memory. That I could have problems. He also wanted me to take some pills twice a day, they were going to help me with not taking more drugs and smoking, but I didn't think I would have many problems with smoking...

Kari was different. She acted with so much kindness and sympathy that made me sick. I hated pity. Besides I won't forget her betrayal. Never.

In that whole week in which I stayed only in that house because I couldn't go to school yet I didn't see or hear from Ryan or other guys. Did they know where I was? Did they even care?

Whenever I thought about my real family I became a little sad. Father and Kari tried. I must admit. When one of them spent time with me it was one sited conversations. I didn't talk with them much. I didn't want. But sometimes I wanted to speak I wanted to tell them some things and always when I had the courage to do so they left my room telling me that they would came later.

Next things that had place in the second week were my father words in which he tried to tell me what being a 'fag' was. His lectures were boring but after some time I started to listening. It was the only one thing I could do because that pills didn't work any more. So I thought if I listened I'll forget about the need of taking drugs.

And two weeks passed by like that. In the third I could go back to school. I didn't have my new clothes. But I found out some old black jeans which were too big for me. I had to use a belt. But still I looked like they would fall down any second, oh well. I wore a black ,baggy T-shirt with red flames. I couldn't hide my shock. I was so fat back then. All clothes that I had then were too big for me now.

But I was stopped with my thoughts when I heard my father calling my name. He was going to drive me and Kari to school. The ride was quiet, no one said anything. But I wasn't complaining. When we came to our destination Kari and father made their goodbyes and I went for my class.

I wasn't very happy for being back here, but there wasn't much I could do.

When I was walking some students looked at me but didn't say anything.

I saw Matt and Sora, they were standing near Sora's locker. I passed them by not saying anything I didn't know if they saw me or not.

I was lost in thoughts when I bumped into someone, Izzy.

''Oh Taichi finally back I see''

Was he talking to me? But even if he was couldn't he look at me? And not at his laptop? Was it really so much to ask?

''Monday's can't do I end much later because of my other classes, maybe Wednesday's? Yes they should do. I'll come to your home after school then. It's good with you?''

What? I didn't understand. That guy was creeping me out.

''Why?''

''Your father asked me if I could help you study. It's not a problem for me so I agreed. Sorry I have to go see you at Wednesday.''

He really was strange. He didn't even look at me, but that was Izzy we are talking about. He was always like that...Wait. What studying? I didn't want to! I didn't have time for it.

Yeah, right. Maybe I would became top student? Better start learning from now. Stupid idiots. I was going to fail this year so there was no use for me to study anything.

Some people just didn't understand.

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The rest of school was pretty good, nothing happened. Izzy didn't talk with me anymore ...well he didn't talk with anyone. He was sitting and typing some shit. Strange guy. Mimi was always next to him, chatting about some not important girls stuff. He didn't even listen to her. There was one thing that didn't give me a rest. Why he agreed?

I thought he hated me. He should decline my fathers offer, it would do better for me and for him.

''Taichi!''

huh?

''Why didn't you came and say hello to me! I'm hurt, but that's beside the point. You know what happened? I was in the mall with other girls when...''

What was going on? Mimi? She was talking to me? Probably saw Izzy ignoring her, got fed up with it and found another victim to her stories.

But again, why me? She didn't speak with me the whole fucking time and now she came and start babbling about some shit that no one was interested in like nothing happened.

''..and then she...Tai? Are you even listening to me?''

Oh shit. I didn't have time to answer her question. She didn't let me.

''I see. I went way for such a long tie and when I'm back you all are ignoring me?! I'm disappointed Taichi Yagami''

she...''went away?''

I didn't think it was a good idea to ask her that. She was mad. She rose from her seat and hit me square in the head. She hits hard for a girl. Damnit.

''I was in America for four months! And you didn't even notice?!''

She was? But...oh. That's why I didn't see her glaring daggers at me. But what could I do now? She was going to hate me if I told her.

But one look at her angry features told me to tell the truth. It was better if she hated me than was mad at.

''Tell me Taichi did I do something to you that made you that way?''

Oh God now she was going to cry. I could have sworn she was mentally unstable. In one second she would kill you and in another she was crying.

''It's complicated'' I stated.

''Excuses. Speak. Now ''

''I'll make it short. Everyone including Matt ad Kari hate me because I told them I was gay, happy now? If you are disgusted which I don't see amusing you can go back to whatever you were doing. Good bye.''

Simple and short. I hope I made my point. She stood up again. I knew she was going to leave. It's not like I cared about her. It's not like I needed a one fucking person who wouldn't betray me. It's not like that. I just wanted to be understood. With Ryan I felt good because he understood. Max, Kyle, they understood too.

I looked at Mimi for one more time and the only thing that I saw was her fist. Did I say anything about her punching hard?

''You jerk! How could you even think such things! I'm not like that! They should be ashamed, what a band of ignorants...''

I didn't hear the rest of it I was too much in the state of shock. Maybe there was that one person. Maybe there was that one who wouldn't betray me, who wouldn't crush my friendship, who would understand. Now when I couldn't meet with Ryan I didn't have anyone. I was alone, so maybe just maybe...

''...You like it or not I don't care because I'm your friend and you can trust me. But you'll be useful to me dear''.

She smiled, but not a normal smile...it was that psychopathic one. I was scared...

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I'll put it short. Mimi liked some guy and I was going to help her with him. She wanted me to ask him questions and tell her how to made herself noticeable for him. And guess who that guy was...Izzy. Why him I didn't think that she knew but I was in a deep shit...

I couldn't stay mad at her. She didn't know and she was my...friend. At least I hoped she was.

The next two weeks were the same. I saw Izzy on weekends and Wednesday's, he helped me with many things. I was far from passing this term but I passed four more subjects. PE, Art ,Math and Biology. I still couldn't think it was possible, but I made it. With PE I didn't have many trouble and art? Izzy helped me to made some old projects and I had to write only one test. Teachers liked Izzy so they were looking at me in the different light than before. And all thanks to Izzy. But I worked hard. I studied for hours every day. It was like I cared. I was strange, I started to open up at least to Mimi. She always made me smile. I couldn't quite understand it.

Other things that changed? My appearance. I gained more weight, clothes that were left in my room fit me perfectly well. I didn't mind it.

Mimi told me that I looked normal now because before I was like a walking skeleton. But dark clothes were still worn by me. As it goes for that nothing changed.

Somewhere I knew I wouldn't make it, I wouldn't pass. There was too much material to learn. But I wanted to show them that I could be good too, that I wasn't a complete idiot.

I didn't take drugs more, I must admit that I started to eat more because of them. Because I knew I couldn't take them any more. I had to do something in order to fight this hunger.

But there was a day that I wouldn't forget. It was sunny Monday. Coach asked me to come back to the team. I wanted to refuse but others told me to stay. That they didn't win a single match since I was gone. It was more like they needed me then wanted but still. Their offered friendship was nothing more than an illusion. It was better than nothing even if it was only on PE lessons and on practices. Because if it wasn't for that hours they ignored me.

But that wasn't the thing that made that day so special. I was on my way for another class when I heard someone calling my name. I went after that voice, it seemed familiar yet I couldn't recognize it.

'' I missed you''

That voice, when I turned around I was met with a pair of lips. My eyes widened at that sudden contact. It was Ryan.

We didn't talk for another hour, there was nothing to tell. Father always told me about sinning. About what being with another boy was. That it was a sin, a big sin that won't be ever forgiven. And what we did? We sinned. I didn't protest I needed it. I didn't know how much I missed it since I didn't have it. Now I knew that I wanted to be with him all the time, he was the only one that cared. He wouldn't came here if he didn't right?

Izzy betrayed me, I won't forget about that. Mimi...she probably only pitied me, but again, it was better to live in an illusion than in the reality.

I didn't care that I missed the whole period, I stayed with Ryan. I had two more classes, but I didn't go on them. I was with him.

I didn't know when we came back to his house, I was telling him about everything that had happened to wrapped in my own world to notice the road.

But when I entered the living room and saw Max I couldn't hold back my shock. He looked like he was dead. His skin was so pale, I didn't even know it was possible. And his eyes so full of life now completely empty.

And that's when I finally looked at Ryan. He was even paler and had duller eyes.

Max hugged me and we talked about everything and nothing. They didn't tell me where Kyle was. The only thing that I knew was that he was caught and arrested.

Ryan gave me some pills. He told me it would made my concentration better.

And it did. For the next days I could stay day and night in order to study. I remembered everything that I read.

That's how I passed Physic and Chemistry. When the first term ended I had only two more subjects to pass. It wasn't a problem for me. Then when there were two weeks of freedom between the first and second semesters. It was spent by me at Ryan's the most I took some drugs just to feel them. But then I needed more. When school started again I was the only one who didn't pass the first term. I had three more subjects. But I could pass them in the second. I was meeting with Izzy in the weekends. I told him I couldn't on Wednesday's because of soccer practice which were on Friday. I spent that free time with Ryan.

I always stayed at night in his place. I called father and told him I was at Izzy's. He believed, too happy and relieved for me being back to the way before.

And then I did a mistake, I told Izzy I didn't need his help any more of course after thanking him for his help. Father didn't know. When I was at Ryan's he thought Izzy was teaching me.

I think he made his own illusion. His happy family with normal son and an intelligent daughter. Like I said an illusion was better than that screwed up reality. Because he didn't notice.

After some time I started to spending only Mondays and Tuesdays at home the rest of the week was spent with Ryan. I was loosing weight quicker than before.

If I didn't have any belt I'd loose every pants.

Mimi went away again. She told me the reason but I didn't listen, but she would be back by the end of summer holidays. But that's beside the point. She prefer her girls friends than me in school so why should I bother now? I didn't know how was hers and Izzy's relationship going.

But I knew damn well that when I told him I couldn't come and study with him he didn't protest, I knew he would spent that time with her. Again I was left alone, useless. But never mind that topic.

I had English, History and German left. Izzy the perfect student asked the teacher for a special tests from whole year from every subject. I had different dates on every. And four months to take and pass them. That were the subjects which weren't passed by me in the first term. So I didn't need to pass them on the second either. The only thing that I had to pass were those tests from all year. They were hard I heard, but from what teachers said I would pass them if I studied like I did now.

I didn't notice when the time passed. It was only three months to the end. And I could pass it. I had the chance. I was always good at English so I wanted to take that test as soon as it was possible.

I studied for three days and slept three hours a day. I passed. I wasn't even happy.

I passed in order to please father, because if I failed I wouldn't be able to see Ryan more.

I had two more to go.

Then I started to take more pills in order to wake up. I couldn't talk properly without them much less do something. I felt so worn out.

Father didn't notice anything, I stopped eating. Maybe sometimes I ate some pudding when Kari made it. Kari wanted to talk with me for a couple of times but I always dismissed her telling her off.

As it goes for Matt and others. I didn't notice them. I didn't know if they were here or not. I stopped caring again.

I slowly was becoming that emotionless person again. But like I said. I stopped caring.

**(A/N) Good or bad? I would be really thankful if you reviewd. **


	6. Rozdział szósty

**(A/N) Thanks for all those who reviewed! I'm really glad that you like this story. **

**I'm sorry for the delay. I have really important matters to handle now, and I don't have much free time. But I'll try and update as soon as I can. Once again thank you very much for your reviews! **

random.reader

Thanks! I hope you will like this chapter.

Hahaha I doubt that ;p but thanks!

I hope to hear from you )

HIKED!

Thank you for your review. I'm glad that you like this story. I try my best to describe people behavior when they are dealing with drugs.

I'll try and update it sooner. )

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_-Taichi's POV-_

It's the end. The fucking end. And I made it. I passed this year. Barely but I did. My father was proud of me, Kari told me that she was happy and other teachers were surprised. They weren't pissing me off any more because I stopped being rude to them, I stopped showing my hated towards that fucking institution called school. I just stopped. And they were pleased with my new behavior.

So they started to threat me differently.

Why? Why I changed?

Even I didn't know the real reason. Maybe I wanted them to leave me alone, to stop pretending that they cared. To stop hearing those fucking lectures about teenagers problems and such. I didn't know, but I didn't complain.

They didn't give me, an unwanted attention...unwanted...like me...what a fucking shit! Never mind that I started to talk about bullshit again. It was happening to me more often, I started to loose my focus, I was ok with it but it started to get on my nerves. Like now for example! I was thinking about one thing and suddenly started to think about other stuff.

But I still lied to my father that I was being tutored. But instead I was spending that time with Ryan and Max. I didn't know where the hell was Kyle, but I sure as hell didn't show that I cared. A damn good friend I was. But it was hard to understand others when you couldn't understand yourself. Sometimes I thought that I didn't deserve them. They were doing everything for me, helping, even being there when I needed them. And I couldn't even care about one of them. Why? Goddamnit why? I didn't know what I was thinking anymore.

As it was for smoking – I quited. It was a waste of money anyways, but I found something better. hashish. It wasn't as good as acid or LSD but it could do. I mean sometimes I used those things too, but rarely. I saw that Ryan was taking hard drugs, heroine to be exact .

Oh boy it gave you a nice kick. Hahahaha. I remember the times when I was taking it. But sometimes I was sniffing. From sniffing no one could get addicted! So I did it instead. I didn't do drugs often, so there was nothing to worry, only a couple of times a week. I did more before. I was clean and proud of myself at the same time. There was no way that I was getting into the selling thing, no way. I got money from father since I was a 'good boy'. Hahaha riiight.

I'm so fucking nuts. I must be. I couldn't even think like a normal person.

_-Matt's POV-_

I didn't know how to fell. Somewhere deep down I knew I should be happy and glad that Taichi passed, but I wasn't. I was angry that I will be seeing him for another year.

I hated getting into fights with him. I hated when I had to tell him things that hurt not only him but me as well. But there was something that I hated even more, I loathed it. When I was ignored.

And Taichi was ignoring me, he didn't care about the glares I was throwing at him, he didn't care about the rumors. I think he didn't even knew about them. Fucking loser.

How could he be like that? I mean who in their right mind wouldn't care about what others think of them?

It's like not caring about clothes you wear. You must follow the last trends in order to not make a complete idiot without a fucking sense of style. People would laugh right at your face, it's better when they do it behind your back. Ignorance is bliss I guess.

And what consequences it has? Simple really. No one likes you, no one cares what you think. They wouldn't even ask for your opinion! And after that you are out of public life! And you stop being popular. No more nice smiles, no more admiration, no more life! I would be no one without it. If I wasn't popular then I would be a loser.

I want them all to like me, all to feel respect for me. Is it much to ask? No.

And what about Taichi? He has no fashion sense. They all were laughing at him, and he didn't even know! But I wanted him to know to let him suffer. I wished silently for him to hear all those awful things that were being told about him. If he didn't know then what fun it was?

If I was on his place then I sure as hell would change schools...no towns! Yeah thats what I would do. He probably too. And then I wouldn't have to worry about that idiot. Perfect.

I always could wish, right? No one was ever fucking with my mind as he was doing it. Never in my life was I so fucking hating someone so much! There were no excuses for him.

But come on! How more signals more can he get and still be obvious to it? Me and the popular people glared at him at every chance we got, we were even showing how disgusted we were with him for just being there. And what? Nothing. He didn't even acknowledged us.

But that was not the worst thing that had happened. Izzy. That traitor. He was tutoring him! I had a little 'talk' with him about it. And guess what? He was so much into his laptop that I didn't know if he even saw me being there.

If he prefers that loser over me and my friendship then let him be.

Ok. Stop with that for now. I've got better things to do any way. We've vacation time now. Five more weeks left. I wish it would end soon.

Without school I was no one. There was always Taichi. He was the only one with whom I spent most of that time. Sometimes it was with Sora, but only then when Taichi was busy with his soccer. But most of the time I watched him play, and now? Goddamnit.

I never thought about it before, but I was the most popular in school, so it shouldn't be a problem for me to find a new company. They should feel honored that I wanted to spent this time with them.

Sora was in her aunts house with her parents so I was left alone for the whole week. I wonder now why no one called me before. I mean all this time I received offers, but I turned them down. I didn't feel the need for meeting with anybody.

I had Sora. But now she was away, and I was bored. I was waiting for a call, but no one even bothered to give me one!

Thinking about it...no one called for two weeks now. I wondered why.

This whole time I was with Sora and there wasn't a single day without some kind of invitation, then they just stopped, but I didn't really mind, but now?!

I wasn't harsh towards those who called or anything. I just told them the truth. That my time was limited.

Fuck with it. I had to spent this day with someone. What would people say if they knew I was alone. They would think I was a loser.

So I grabbed my cell phone and called the first number I saw. It was one of the popular people in school. We were always spending our free time at school together. I mean I sat with him when Sora was absent or in classes she didn't take.

''Hey Matt what's up?'' after awhile I heard his voice.

''Hey. Nothing much, just bored...''

''...so maybe we can hang out or something?'' I asked after a couple of seconds of silence.

''I'm sorry, but maybe another time? Parents are out and I must take care of my sister, she's ill. Sorry I've got to go, she crying again''

Silence.

What the fuck ?! I didn't understand. Why did he told me no? Fuck him. Why was that brat so important anyway? I was more popular than her. I'll call someone else.

''Hey, have a minute?''

''yeah, what's up?''

''There's nothing to do so I thought maybe we could go somewhere? ''

'' That would be great man, really but I've got plans. Sorry Matt''

''ok, so maybe some other time''

I didn't understand. I never had to ask anyone for anything, they were always asking ME if I had time for THEM. And what if I told them no? That didn't give them right to tell me that as well. I was more popular then them! If it wasn't for me they would be lower than dirt. It's just my one word and their public life would be a nightmare.

I called a couple of numbers ,but they didn't pick the phone up. I knew it. What was the possibility that they all had they phones out of reach? Fuck. It's not like I did something to that idiots. Fuck them all.

I'd show them where their right place was when we...that's right. School. Fuck. That are like two different worlds.

One -school where I was the most important and people first asked me of MY opinion, because it counted the most. I even had my own fan club.

And, and that something, because I didn't even know how to name it where I was unwanted. But why? Last year I got many offers for parties as well as two weeks ago. So what if I didn't give a shit about it? Now I wanted to get one! And what?

But what angered me more was that Taichi got more invitations than me. Damn it to hell. Even then he was screwing with my social life. I knew it was his fault, he just had to make my life a living hell. He never was treated like I, others didn't show him their respect everyday, only on a soccer field.

But thinking about that scum didn't help my boredom. Fuck with that popular idiots. I was desperate. So I took my phone and picked a new number.

''hello?''

''Hey, Ishida Yamato here. Are you free?''

''What? Matt? Yeah! Of curse I am. I mean I have plans, but I'll cancel them for you, it's great that yo...''

''Meet me at the school ground in 10''

After I said that I hung up. Fuck. Maybe I should sit in home and be bored. That brats name was Davis. He was always stalking me like I was some kind of God. It's not like I minded. Sometimes he was needed. Like when I wanted to drink. He was the first one to offer me his or if I didn't like it he'll ran to school cafeteria and buy it for me. I didn't even have to pay for it.

Although he was always pissing me off. His smiles and laughter. How much can a person smile? I mean I never saw him without it! It was just creepy.

And I never gave him my number, but I had his. I though I would need it some day, and what? I was right. I always am.

I guess it was better to get going. At this rate I will be late, not like it matters. Let him wait. He wasn't anyone important.

I put my shoes on and went out locking the doors after me.

When I came to our meeting place I saw him waiting with a sleepy expression on his face. I guess I was late, oh well.

I coughed ,loudly showing him that I was there. He was lower than me so he shouldn't be ignoring me. He should show some respect!

''Yamato, you are here! I though you wouldn't come! But don't worry I didn't wait for long, just an hour''

An hour? How could it take me so long? I knew I walked slowly, but come on! Fuck this. He should be happy that I even came.

''So Matt, what are we going to do? I see you sometimes at mall so I though that maybe we could go there''

''Whatever''

I shrugged and went ahead. And he dragged behind me, saying some shit...whatever.

Now I knew why I was the popular one and he wasn't. Just look at him?!

I didn't listen to his babbling as we made it to our destination.

I looked at others. Smiling, laughing and having fun, and me? Why was I stick to him?! He wasn't the lowest of our kind, but still he was low, and I was at top. Fuck. Why me? Maybe I shouldn't call him. I should tell him to go away.

With my luck I would meet someone and then have a normal day.

I didn't understand, so why in the first place I called him?! Ok today I would be 'nice'. Smile! Yeah, right.

But I will try, to loosen up. I'll spend this day with him and I won't show him how I really feel, I mean he must have feelings too, right?

_-Taichi's POV-_

Vacation. Hahaha. What a fuck. I'm in a good mood. I was at Ryan's. Like always. Kari went to our aunt or someone , and father was working. If not then my mistake. Sorry. But I didn't feel like checking.

You know what? never mind that shit. I was in a good mood ,very good mood. And I planned on staying that way.

I didn't know what time it was, fuck I didn't even know what day. I loved that shit. I mean sniffing was great. Add some pills and you are in heaven!

''Taichi''

huh? It was Ryan. He acted strange for the last days. But I've not shown him I noticed. He was different too. His appearance. He was paler and his hair duller. His clothes seemed to be too big for him. He was probably loosing weight again, but why? Strange, why I hadn't noticed it sooner? Oh well...

''What'' I asked. I was curious. We talked today, or was it yesterday? Who knows?

''We need to talk''

Talk huh? ''About what?''

''Listen, I think we should end this, it takes us nowhere ''

The end? I didn't understand, I couldn't understand. ''Why?''

He stared, not saying a word. I felt sad, or at least I wanted to. Why couldn't I feel sad. Goddamnit. It only made me frustrated , nothing more. Fuck. And that was it as it's for my good mood. Thank you.

''Look at yourself Taichi, look in the mirror and tell me what you see?''

''What the fuck are you getting at?!''

''You don't see it? Are you that blind?''

Ok I must admit. Sometimes he was talking shit. But now? What the fuck?! I was normal, like always.

''You are a fucking addict! And I made you so! If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be in this shit!''

What? Me? An addict? Now that was funny, I wasn't addicted . I could stop any time. I was clean goddamnit!

''Don't you see it, Taichi? Stop with this before it's too late''

I was silent. I didn't know what to say. I will admit that I was sniffing daily, a couple times a day, maybe. But that didn't make me an addict. I wasn't addicted physically and mentally. I wasn't addicted. I wasn't...

I repeated this sentence in my head thousand of times. Like I was making myself believe in it. But what was to believe? I wasn't addicted!

I was an awkward silence, no one said anything. Then I saw Ryan turning around and heading for the front door. But I wasn't sad, mad or any of this shit. I felt empty. But before Ryan reached the door I asked

''And you? What about your addiction?''

He didn't turn around ,but I heard it. I heard.

''It's too late''

Fuck you too! I went home. But I never made it there. I was so empty. I had to take something, anything! Just one pill. Or whatever, just one. Maybe two? No one and that's final! So I took one. I didn't even know what I was taking. But it didn't help me.

I started searching through my pockets and I found some acid but like I didn't suspect it wasn't enough. I needed something stronger. Much stronger.

Goddamn you Ryan.

_-Matt's POV- _

It was getting dark. I hadn't had such a bad time like I supposed I would. It was even fun. Davis wasn't so bad after all.

''Matt, maybe you know, we could hang out tomorrow?'' I heard him ask.

''If I won't have anything better to do then I will call you''

I waited for the reply but I got none, so I looked at him. He had a frown on his face and he lost that smile. He was strange. I never saw him like that, so troubled?

But I stopped paying attention to him when I saw a familiar brown hair, and slim figure. Slim? More like skin and bones if you ask me.

And everything came crushing down at me, all that anger. There was the case of my misery. He was ruining my life from the beginning. Since we've meet. He probably wanted them all to hate me. He never was my friend, he was just pretending. And he did it all just to get attention, he wanted to be more popular than me. What a sick fuck.

I didn't say a world to Davis and made my way to him.

''Hey, loser''

He didn't turn around. He didn't even stop. What a nerve! Who the fuck he thinks he is?! A fucking no one that's who.

I went faster and grabbed him by his elbow.

''I said hi, you should answer me''

When his eyes locked with mine I held my breath, there was nothing. They were so empty, I never saw him like that. His body was so thin that I swore I could see his bones. I never knew he looked so bad. Maybe he looked like a walking skeleton from distance. But when you got a closer look at him. God. Did he even eat? Or sleep? He had bags under his eyes like he was suffering from insomnia it was his and only his fault. No one else.

''Leave me alone Yamato''

His voice was harsh, like he didn't talk for years. I could leave him. I could do it, But my pride wouldn't let me.

''And who are you to give me orders? You think you are so high and mighty? ''

And what that...that bastard did afterwards? He laughed.

I didn't know when my fist made its way towards his face but when I felt his blood on my knuckles, he felt onto the ground with a split lip and still smiled. That drown me insane. How could he? I wanted to hit him again but someone grabbed my hand before it could land on it's destination.$ It was Davis.

''What the fuck do you think you are doing?!'' I said through gritted teeth.

''You know what? I will tell you something. You are a spoiled brat nothing more. You thing you are the best and that no one could live without you? I have enough of being your slave! You will be left alone and then no one, NO ONE will ever be there for you. You will see the meaning of 'loneliness', so I advice you to look it up in a dictionary and prepare yourself ''

I could only watch him as he gave Taichi his had who accepted it. Taichi didn't look at me, nor did Davis.

Then they both started to walk away from me, no spending me a glance. And I? I could only glare at their backs and wish that some building would fall and kill those bastards.

Fuck them. They weren't worth my time any way.

I made my way towards my home, passing the cinema by, seeing one of my so supposed to be friend who likes to take care of his ill sister coming out of the cinema with another boy, from our school, who didn't even pick up when I called.

I entered my room not even bothering to take my shoes off, no one was home. I didn't understand...that feeling.

I decided to read something. When I sat at my desk I saw a big blue book with white letters 'dictionary' written on it. I swear it was mocking me.

But deep inside that feeling came back.

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**(A/N) Thank you for reading. I hope I didn't disappoint you. And I'm sorry for all my mistakes. English is my second language...**

**I'd be really glad if you reviewed and told me what you think about this story. Thanks again. **


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